Tastes Like Chicken

A few weeks ago I got my first iPhone. After standing in line for three hours waiting for my wife to show up so I could take a bathroom break, I probably would have put my fist into the salesguy's throat if the phone wasn't the best thing since sliced bread.

Well let me tell you – the wait was completely worth it. Because the phone is so money (and it doesn't even know it), I decided I would share with you loyal readers my five favorite things about the iPhone that I wasn't capable of doing with my old phone.

1. Google Reader while sitting on the toilet. That's right! Gone are the days of having to carry a newspaper under your arm and the stealthy approach to the bathroom door. Now I just walk in there like it's going to be a thirty second visit, and nobody is the wiser. So not only do I take care of some very important hoop-riding business, but I also come out with a much more informed view of the world. And, it's virtually guaranteed that nobody who reads this post will ever want to steal my phone, so one could argue that this is just good security practices in action.
2. Listening to WJFK live. When I lived in DC back in the days before the web grew some media-sized balls, I grew to love listening to the mighty WJFK while sitting in traffic. Things got a little better in the last year or so when WJFK started putting podcasts of the Junkies and Big O & Dukes on iTunes. But I always felt like I was on the short bus because I was listening a day behind. Well not anymore. Now I can waste countless brain cycles listening live by plugging in the iPhone in the car and in my office and listening to the live stream via the AOL Radio app. This app is also most certainly the first thing of any value that AOL has produced in years.
3. Taking pictures of moron drivers. Oh yeah – I love this one. Next time I am stuck behind you and you do something stupid like the dummy to the right (or just show what a fruit you are for driving a minivan), I'm going to put your idiot ass on the web. This guy decided he'd be a traffic cop and let people turn in front of him before he took his left turn when he had the right of way. A-hole. This feature is also useful for being Johnny-On-The-Spot for any topless girl fights that might break out while walking down the street.
4. Enhancing my junk. Every guy wants to make their trick look bigger, but only the lame ones go buy Enzyte. I buy an iPhone. This phone is slightly longer than my old phone, and as such, makes a satisfying bulge in my pocket when angled the right way. You could also land some of those crazy drunk chicks at bars by having your ring tone be some whispering voices telling her to take her top off.
5. Figuring out what dumpster I'm behind. GPS capability working with Google Maps is a great thing. No longer will I wake up behind a dumpster in DC after drunkenly getting off the Metro because I had to pee and having no idea where I was or how to get home. Now I sure as hell will be able to find realtime directions to walk to the nearest police station to report that the rest of my belongings were stolen by a bum while I was passed out. Yes – this is predicated on the bum not stealing my iPhone, but hey, stop pointing out the flaws in my plan. Like you've never woken up behind a dumpster…

So let me know if you've come up with some other fun things of your own to do with your iPhone. We're all just trying to make the world a better place.

Which of these photos do you like better? I'm experimenting w/ some different HDR processing techniques. These are two different games on two different days, so the source also has a lot to do with it. So vote based solely on your personal preference, and if you have suggestions or ideas, leave them in a comment.

Photo 1:

Photo 2:

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Pics from Julie's wedding are available on Flickr. At the request of some folks in the photos, some are not public, so if you want the guest pass (and I know who you are), let me know. Or better yet, get a Flickr account and make me a friend.

MLB sucks.

From Techdirt:
MLB Threatens Guy Who Made A Cool iPhone App For Baseball Fans

From PCWorld:
iPhone App Maker Gets Hit With Major League Cease and Desist

Screw you MLB. Get over yourself. When you are threatening to sue a guy who put MLB team logos into a FREE application that does nothing but promote your sport, you've gone too far. He's not making money, so stop with the bitching already, and thank him for the free publicity.

I really hate old, out of touch, geezers that run half the businesses in our country. Seriously – go stick your face into some hotdog water and don't come up for air.

I seriously have no idea how they got a camera into my house, but this is 100% actual footage. I love my life.